The feeling of the day: damn!!

Todays language; english. - why? Because sometimes its not in my control and also im going to write some very intresting quotations that are writen in english. well lets start with "if she call u or sent to u sms dont answer her". Nasty isnt it? want some more? Of course you do! "Just i need from u give me this week i want to fix every thing because this is the big problem for me" liking what you got so far, well what you think about this: "and please don't call me for just next thirsday" drooling after the whole text? yeah i thought so. Before i want to add that i got this text around four in the morning two hours before i was going to go up and get ready for a jobinterview. "Hi. I hope u every thing it's will be good tomorrow. I need tell u some thing u know i have some problem right now.just I need from u give me this week i want to fix every thing because this is the big problem for me with my family this is hard to explain but if she call u or sent to u sms don't answer her. and please don't call me for just next thirsday I promiss u just this week for the 18/feb. I hope u will understand what i mean and i hope u will help me . And let me I call u." Thats the msg. The story behind it is, girl (me) meets boy (him) girl belives boy, boy have a wife girl get hurt, girl meet again boy, girl gets that msg.

And today i also found out that KS mother is really sick, and i feel so sad for him i think ill text him!(Skicka gratis SMS här!) i send him a faild try of a sweet and caring msg, i dont know how to comfort someone, last time something this seripuse happend i hide and lost my friend, we have found the way back to eachother now, after like seven years..


having a bit of a sentimental moment here, the oicture above is taken close to our summerhouse, in the winter, dosent it look nice? I miss those times, when everything was easy? and your biggest problem was how to get mom to agree to buy icecream. Aaah icecream aah summer! i want, i really miss the sun, but actually today was sunny and for some minutes you could almost smell spring in the air I love the first real sign of spring, when the air is warm, and the snow is having this wet shiny glow. And you can start taking out the chairs and sit behind granma and granpas house and sunbath! It feels like forever until then, but i think it will go very very fast. Hope - think, whats the difference?

(I got this thing today i feel like upload alot of pictures, so enjoy)

Maybe I'll wake up and everything was a dream? lets say I wake up and its summer 2006, I would be so happy then, i would be abel to think bit longer then i did then.

I was suposed to have gone to O today, but i didnt, partly cause his last msg wasnt that encouraging, "do as you like" isnt really what a girl wants to hear if she is going to travel one hour on a expensive train to spend a night with a guy... wanna see him?(The picture has been removed due to me getting embarrassed) Have i told you that i have a fetish for backs? He is not the Husband, you should see the husband he has some nice things too.. (I deserve this dont i? Im bad... lol) Ill take away this picture like tomorrow or something. But its nice to look at isnt it? The sad thing is that he probably things so too... He is a sweet boy, why dont i like him more?
Will go to sleep now
dream sweet dreams about a easier life...
its actually very easy,
just make a choice

He vanished like something that vanish very fast

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap /Death Cab For Cutie\

Tappar hår som en galning, och det kanske är passande med tanke på att jag troligen håller på att bli galen. Det finns för många och jag måste välja, men jag kan inte! Det börjag kännas lite fånigt det här, särskilt med tanke på att dom kommer närmare och närmare varandra.

Söndagar är hyfsat bra dagar, men februari är en dålig månad det är nog för att det är kallt, Trött på vintern nu, det kan få bli vår så man slipper ha sju lager kläder på sig, håller du inte med?


Tror du jag vinner det här? Det gör inte jag, och snögubben har inte svara på mitt sms, inte säker på om han fick det, men troligen eftersom lilla O skriver till mig. Allahallah!

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me. /Death Cab For Cutie\

Turkiet - the lost city of romance

I bland så hamnar man inför vägskäl i livet, och nu har jag nog hittat ett av dem. Min lilla Tatlim har trasslat till det för sig, eller snarare hans lillebror har tydligen gått och kärat ner sig i en flicka, och dom har rymt tillsammans flickan var visst förlovad med någon annan och nu kräver den familjen hämnd. dom vill att Tatlims syster ska ta hennes plats och om dom inte fixar en flicka åt dem.. dom mordhotade min Tatlim! Det kommer nog att resultera i att jag försvinner ett tag. Mitt vägskäl är om jag ska åka eller inte, båda alternativen ger mig ångest. Jag vill inte åka, vill inte lämna KS eller Snögubben.. Jag ska ringa Snögubben i kväll. Han har inte svarat på mina två sista sms.. Vad betyder det? Jag hoppas han svarar, jag behöver verkligen prata med någon som jag inte känner. Dessutom behöver jag träffa honom innan jag åker - om jag åker. Har ett stort jävla ångest svarthåll i magen.
Jobbinterjuven på torsdag, vad gör jag med den? Åker jag till Istanbul sabbar jag det. Turkiet och Tatlim = döden för resten av mitt liv. Älskar jag honom? Ja, men inte på ett huvudlöst uppöver öronen fjärilar i magen sätt. Känslan som totalt tog mig med chock och dödade mitt förnuft och förmåga att hantera en trängd situation försvann när Snögubben kysste mig, det är han jag vill ha. Känslan gör mig livrädd. Jag vill inte bli avvisad igen. Det finns ett skäll till att jag accepterar casual. Rädsla!
Ralph ska komma och hämta mig vid tolv, det känns bra, behöver faktiskt honom nu, hoppas bara han klara det här. Och inte får det att handla om honom. Borde bry mig om honom och visa hänsyn men jag vill verkligen att vi ska kunna vara kompisar! Vill att jag ska kunna krama honom utan att oroa mig för att bli av med kläderna. Det är smickrande att vara åtrad men, jag vill heller att han ska vilja vara min vän än något annat! Behöver det, badly!
Ska ta å springa runt lite i ångestpanikens dans

sunshine story in the pouring rain

Läste Nemi i dag, tyckte den passade så bra, var tvungen att lägga upp den här. Så där har man väl kännt ett par gånger.

Det här har varit en pissig vecka. började redan förra söndagen med att jag blev tillfälligt sinnesförsvagad, sen fick jag sms från Frun, sen så tyckte O att jag skulle spändera en natt med han, vilket resulterade i att jag tror jag är kär i hansvän - guud vilken kyss!

Ett stycke ur en msn harrang:
Z says:
can't u belive...i m trying now a days just to leav every thing and move from here
Z says:
i m very much tired from here now a days
Z says:
every second i m thinking to move some where
Z says:
and i m closing every thing
ä says:
no leaving elmo!
Z says:
even i cancel my contracts
Z says:
elmo is in my heart
Z says:
she is always mine
Z says:
no matters where ever she wil go
Z says:
what ever she wil do
Z says:
i love her in any circumstanses
Z says:
she is my first love
Z says:
even i try to forget but i cant
Z says:
i think its sin to try to forget her
Z says:
bcoz she is so cute
Z says:
or may b its my love
Z says:
and this make me more afraid from love
Z says:
i dont want to get more involved in that
Z says:
other wise i wil b pralize
Z says:
*paralize
ä says:
(HUG)
Z says:
even she ignore me
Z says:
but i dont know..y i do hav so much feelings
Z says:
i get hurt
Z says:
and every time i think that i wil not do any thing but when she comes in front of me i forget every thing
Z says:
even if i am busy or some thing...i just want to giv her my first periority
Z says:
i beg u elmo...plz never do love

A loaded God complex Cock it and pull it

Am I more than you bargained for yet?
I've been dying to tell you
Anything you wanna hear
'Cause that's just who I am this week

Today we are fall out boy inspired. Just found out that my former boy, have a wife, a real thriller aint it? Never done a married man before - how many points are they now? i forgot.
well i had more or less accept that he was gone, i couldnt accept not knowing, i need to know things. So i send a text and got the happy answer from his wife, cant say wife enough times. wife wife wife wife!
I guess spring came a little early this year, one married one engaged, third one thinking he loves me. Please tell me in not the only one getting dizzy by all of this?
Makes you consider it, dosent it. But the thing is, Im thinking how KS would take it. Im strangly afraid of losing him, i dont know why.
I reall miss November today, i guess that is because of all the less fun things that happend today, i hate mondays!


Runing out of emotions, and words. Thought i would end it same way i began it, with
fall out boys

This has been said so many times that I'm not sure if it matters
But we never stood a chance
And I'm not sure if it matters
If you are the shores, I am the waves begging for big moons
I’m mailing letters to addresses in a ghost town
(your secret's out)

I know this hurts, it was meant to (it was meant to)
Your secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one
And it's mind over you don't, don't matter